However, I’m suitably impressed at the level of care and attention that’s gone into the documentary. Hell, I even learned a few things! I learned that cycling has a patron saint (The Madonna Del Ghisallo), that the Italian for “Looking Good in the Saddle” is Bella in Sella, that Joe Breeze et al saved the Bike industry (not totally sure about that, but that could be my MTB-phobia making me biased!) and that Chris King makes pretty headsets.

Even New York Bike Snob would have been impressed/depressed at the city of Portland being featured on the show. The UK bike industry wasn’t neglected either, with Brooks saddles and Rourke frames being featured also.

One of the best things about the show was that the bloke presenting it was building his perfect bike, and this meant that you got to see how important good components, frames and wheels are to making a bike nice to ride.

All in all, I thought the show was interesting enough for experts like us at PRBC (!), and for novices who might not have realised just what a wonderful, beautiful, emancipating world cycling can be. Chapeau BBC4.

In the past I’ve had bikes stolen. One time I was beaten up for my bike whilst I was riding around a park. Through my own naivety I trusted the young lad who was clearly not interested in the time by stoping my bike close to him, looking down at my watch to tell him the time, and instead of receiving the time I received a punch to the face. Stunned, I struggled for a bit whilst I received my punches to the face before I saw my pride and joy being ridden away. It was my first ‘proper’ mountain bike. I’d worked paper rounds morning and night for well over a year to fund it.

As an extra we (mostly my parents) had to fight with the insurance company because “the bicycle was not locked at the time”. Go figure… I wonder if insurance companies have done any research into why most people feel nothing but utter contempt for them. How can you purchase a service and when you call on that service it is still in the hands of the insurance company to decide if they will honour the service you’ve been paying for. Notwithstanding insurance fraud generated by the customer, surely it is insurance fraud generated by the insurance company.

The 2nd time my bike was locked inside my garage. Then it wasn’t.

The 3rd time my bike was locked inside my garage to the wall. Then it wasn’t. Luckily this third time I was about to move out and the £700 insurance money came it mighty handy for that summer-of-fun. Plus I was riding around on my BMX at the time, yes that one.

But whatever the insurance company decides to do you can rest assured that the thief will have their comeuppance. Danté affirms it.

“

…according to Dante, between the grafters and the gamblers, there is a circle of the inferno reserved just for people who steal bicycles.

The full details of which can be obtained through nicomachus.net. There’s also a link there to the original manuscript by Phillip Barron published in Urban Velo, Issue 8.

Still, a bit of this life revenge might be on your agenda and I stumbled upon a suitable revenge taker. How To End Bike Theft: The Honeybike Project details the making of your own shocking device.

“

I’ve got a $40 pay as you go cell phone, hacked to a $20 stun gun … when you call the cell phone, which you can track on Google Maps …

The ingredients include a tazer, some kind of GPS device. Beware of the semi nakedness of the man who introduces the concept.

The outcome is you can phone your bike and induce the shock, or even make the bike’s brakes apply themselves with a little more tinkering. He does try it on himself in the demonstration.

Try it, but remember you’ll go to hell too.

2 bolts shown, 3 bolts actual

Ten weeks ago I went on a work trip to Spain to test a brand spanking new Saracen Ariel 2. But things didn’t turn out exactly as planned as, on the first day after spending 3 hours climbing, we donned our kneepads and started on the downhill. Not 200 meters into it I misjudged it and ended up breaking my hip, though I didn’t realise it at the time. I’m not going to go on about it (you can read more details here and here) but the fact of the matter is after 9 weeks on crutches I am now walking but am not allowed to ride a bike for another 3 months.

This has got me thinking, I’ve got some extra free time now so I’ve bought myself a guitar (how very punk rock ) and I’ve decided to sell my Yeti 575 so that I can use the money to buy myself a new bike early next year when I’m allowed back on. Imagine the new ride feeling with the excitement of being able to ride again! You can’t bottle that.

And while I’m at it I may as well strip down my trust old Dialled PA. It’s been looking a bit tatty for a while so I figure a new coat of paint is in order. I’m liking green, so I’ll probably go for green.

Let the stripping commence…

Racy!

The old single speed had a hard winter coping admirably with everything the British weather could throw at it and my stubbornness that I could ride down a cobbled street when it was covered in ice and snow. Not to mention everything that the gritting lorries of Leeds City Council could throw at it…literally! So come January it was abandoned for a while looking more grey than green and in a rather sorry state, however I’ve cleaned it up and unstuck the stuck components (mostly the brakes) so they now work better than before. I put the original drops back on which makes for an interesting ride, they’re really narrow and it feels very bum up head down…which is kind of fun in a way.

It isn’t perfect though, the headset is pretty borked after the winter which means it doesn’t turn well at all and out of the saddle the front end has a habit of wanting to point off to one side and stick there which is a bit ‘interesting’ sometimes. The bottom bracket is also starting to clunk a touch, only slightly though so a new headset and BB are the order of the day next month. The hub bearings and freewheel seem to have coped with the full on winter assault ok which surprised me.

Think I’m going to take it out for a longer spin later and try to go up some of the hills (on the road), lets see how the legs cope with only having one gear after 6 months of being allowed 27 to play with. It could be an interesting walk with some downhill riding!

One day you never know I’ll flip that flip-flop hub, and then probably break my neck!

I appear to have brought more of the hill home than usual.

It actually made me realised that I have been blessed with some incredibly good weather in my first 4 months of mountain biking proper, but in order to gain those skills I aspire to, being able to ride in all conditions has got to be a priority. It was quite fun leaving the house in sunshine, then getting absolutely pissed down on and then seeing an awesome rainbow (sadly no way to take a good photo of that on my camera phone).

The 101 Dalmatian auditions were not going well.

I however managed to twat my helmet on a few low branches today, mainly because I have to duck so low sometimes because of the foliage that I can’t look up and see where I’m going. I think a new helmet is going to have to be purchased sooner rather than later as mine is coming to the end of the ‘normal’ period you should keep one for and it’s taken some knocks recently. The only issue is I know that any new one will also be clattered into branches regularly, what do people do!?! Just hope it hasn’t cause any damage I assume and carry on until it fails or gets to be ‘that’ age.

What the Aga was built for.

Local trails ala cx from Andy Wardman on Vimeo.

…and yeah this came via AHTBM.

Getting better all the time...shame the rider isn't.

So additions to the beauty are as follows:

• Newly built front wheel so they now match and I can give Mark his back.
• Mountain King 29er 2.2 tyre up front…the jury is out.
• Syncros Carbon bars (25.4 diameter)
• On One stem (as the bars are ‘standard)
• Atomlab flat pedals (the last 3 items are all thanks to Tom)
• Carbon wrapped seatpost swapped over from my Tricross as the clamp on the Ritchey Pro one was rubbish and the saddle kept moving.

So the bike felt quite different initially with the Mountain King rolling much more quickly and with less drag than the Kenda Nevegal on Mark’s wheel. However on my descent off the hills I wasn’t sure about the cornering grip available, for a 2.2 it’s smaller than both the Nevegal and the Bonty ACX I have on the back and it just seemed to skip about rather than gripping. It could be of course that due to the lack of drag I was going faster than normal. This all culminated in a rather hair raising moment where I went sideways round a bend and the rear end dropped off the path. Luckily the rear tyre gripped and I powered onwards and back onto the track saving myself a 500 metre slide downhill through gorse and shrubs…it probably would have looked rad and clearly ‘gnar’ to the max, however I think I was going ‘shhhiiiitttttt’ all the way through.

Other things I learnt today are that clear glasses are great and mean flies don’t get in your eyes, but they still go in your mouth! Also make sure your front disc calliper is aligned before you set off as the noise of it rubbing is damn annoying, was a good ride though just need to regulate my speed versus my skills a bit better.

The Finger-Banger finger-banging.

So, when I say finger, you say:

BANG!

I’m trying to work out some kind of finger-banging drinking game, maybe neck 10 pints each time he bangs one off?

Tom has some photos which I’ll put up when he’s got them onto the net. I’ll also add any others I come across from other people that seem relevant like the one by Tilly below. Iron Chic are brilliant and everyone who reads this should give them at least one listen!

I love my bike.